


Stagnation

by steelneena



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, Fiona and Jimmy/Steve, One Shot, fuck if i know, i don't want to write, i want to read, probably, there isn't enough fic, until i'm done with season four that is, why, why is there no fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:43:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelneena/pseuds/steelneena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just prior to S3.01, Fiona contemplates the state of her relationship with Jimmy/Steve, and just exactly what she wants out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stagnation

She doesn't like it, but she lets him do what he wants. Four months he's been living at their house and she knows that she really can't complain. Can't find it in her to truly regret that he makes her life just  _that_  much simpler. She can sleep in mornings, lunches are generally made, and so is breakfast. Liam can stay at home with him - she no longer needs to bring the toddler with her to work, which allowed her to get the job she has now. He cooks, cleans, babysits, drives, pays(she prefers not to think about that one) and generally is her live in booty call. She feels like a sugarmomma, as if he's her kept boy and it just doesn't seem like...them.

She remembers when he used to steal cars and the rush she got driving away with him that first time. And as much as she misses it, she has to remember what happened when Lip and Ian got involved in Jimmy's shit. So she's happy that no one's getting in trouble anymore, but after the shitstorm that was the last summer, normalcy - at least what passes for it - just feels boring.

 _He_  feels boring.

But then he kisses her, and each time, it's like he's looking at her as if he's just seen the most amazing miracle in the world. Each kiss is new and he imbues adoration into his touches, his loving caresses. He kisses her nose, her closed eyes, that space between her breasts and it's precious. So precious. She wants so badly to be happy. To be content with something that's so good. So much more than she could have ever expected to be allowed to have, much less something she deserves.

He loves her. 

Fiona knows it more than she's known anything ever, and she's been goddamned sure of a lot of things in her life. Frank always being a drunk. Her mother always leaving. Never having enough money. Those are landmarks by which she can map her life, immovable, unchangeable and nonnegotiable.

Jimmy is unexpected and with his sudden contentedness, she doesn't know who he will turn out to be. Fiona is not content. She wants to run again, mornings, but she doesn't. She wants to run and run and run but it doesn't happen, because she's stagnated and it's going to suffocate her.

Jimmy smiles.

Fiona melts. 

Fiona hates herself for it.

 _This is a good thing, Fiona Gallagher. Don't give up what you never deserved to have in the first place. This is your second chance, don't throw it away now._  

Why doesn't he try to whisk her away to a hotel for the evening or to some high end restaurant she'd pretend to hate?

Fiona knows it's because he's afraid to loose what he's gained. He did what she always wanted. He stopped treating her like he wanted to, and instead treated her like she thought she deserved. 

Fiona wishes he'd get the hint and annoy the fuck out of her by telling her what she really needs, and then making her enjoy it. But she doesn't hint, and he doesn't change his stay-at-home ways and nothing is going to change if neither of them do. 

She kisses him, and wonders, frightened, if this is her life. 

She makes love to him, and wonders, terrified, when she stopped calling it fucking. 

She feels his arms around her, his lips, his hands, his body pressing, gently, tenderly, and wonders, scared shitless, if, someday, it won't be Liam's diapers that Jimmy is changing, but one of their own. 

Fiona hides in the bathroom, and cries.


End file.
